The Cuffing Season Series: Choosey Lover

“Choosey lover. Girl, I’m so proud of you.”

The Isley Brothers

Welcome Cuffing Season Pt. 2. This one’s for the ladies who are ready for love.  Let me start by saying, I am a true Sagittarius and the FURTHEST thing from a relationship guru. However, I’m learning a few things along the way. The main thing? Choose wisely. Let’s get into it. 


Standards & Intentions

“Bad decisions, good intentions.”

I love you Aubrey but nah.

Set your standards from the jump. Let your prospect know what you won’t accept and what you’re willing to work on and with. This is what I need. This is what I want. These are my requirements. It takes two, so find out what his standards are as well, probably before you deliver yours. 

At this point, most of us are dating to marry. Find out what his intentions are. If he has none or doesn’t know what they are, I personally wouldn’t expect much. 


Respect

“It’s the key to life.”

Happy. Mad. Sad. Always. No excuses. 


Social Media

“It might look like I care, but only on camera.”

It’s so easy to fall into the hype of social media relationships #relationshipgoals. Immediately after I posted part one, I caught the feels and wanted a little family *face palm*. It’s not a bad thing but I’d rather not get caught up in social media fantasies. We might be watching a solid family or sugar-coated BS. It could go either way. 

I say this to say, don’t have social media expectations. That’s their life. Live yours.  


Situationships

“Good sex, bad relationships”

Common told us, “It don’t take a whole day to recognize sunshine.” We are too old. Next!


Matching Energies

“Tell me who I have to be, to get some reciprocity”

Giving 100% and receiving 25% is so annoying. And you better believe they will take all you’re giving. It’s draining and I ain’t got it. If we’re serious, we should both give our all. 

As far as options. If you’re an option, so is he.


Love Language

“Show me the way to surrender my heart.”

Musiq was speaking real life facts. People don’t necessarily know how to love or how to show it. As I’m learning the importance of loving effectively, I think it’s important to teach your partner how to love you and learn how to love them. 

I knew my love language before I knew it was a thing. Show me love and buy me things. For example, clean up and/or leave a cute gift on the table. Just because. I require thought, time and effort. 

What’s your love language? Take the quiz here.


Experiences

“Let’s go to sleep in Paris & wake up in Tokyo.”

I was listening to the DND podcast and the topic was “wyd” texts. The conclusion? If you’re not following up with plans, don’t even bother. 

Henny nights and take-out are cool but there is nothing like experiences. How about lunch at the park? A trip to a museum? Africa? There’s always something to do. Free fun is included.

If cares, he’ll figure it out and he’ll make it happen.


Homie, Lover, Friend

“Closer than kin.”

If we can’t be homies, what are we really doing? I was in a relationship with a person I had little in common with and it was super whack.. I can’t recall not one deep, meaningful conversation. I do remember my mom telling me, “You shouldn’t be bored in a relationship.” Never again. Find some commonalities. 


The Real

“It was just my imagination, running away with me.”

See things for what they really are, not what you want them to be. If it doesn’t look or sound right, it’s probably not. If he doesn’t seem interested, he’s probably not! If he’s told you, he’s only interested in “friendship,” he means it. 


Queen

“Hold you to a high esteem.”

We deserve to be treated like royalty. Black women have been through too much to be treated like anything other than a queen, a goddess, the best damn thing walking. 


Bey

“I’m the lights that keep the streets on.”

I’m a firm believer that we should be able to offer whatever we request. That’s all. 


What I Gotta Do to Get Some Flowers?

Hell if I know. Let me know when you find out. 

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